But this was not my darkest day and the darkest is probably yet to come

The rain drenched my cold skin as I rode my bicycle through the rain already late for work.

Sitting on the cold train platform I ponder how I could easily throw myself in front of the next express train rushing past as so many have done before me. It would be an easy end to this suffering. But my destiny, I hope is a long one. There will be much more suffering to endure and much more happiness to experience.

To give happiness to my children and to guide them to a happy life. Its what every parent wants and I am alive and can do it. I also must remember that I can not make them happy if I am not happy. I could only give them safety and a calm logic. They would benefit from more and so would I. What a lovely symbiotic relationship of happiness.

Old faces on the train. What are the memories behind them? What are the memories you want behind your old face? Obviously as much happiness and love as possible. ( Diary entry July 2008)