Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Frustration equals the distance between who I am and who I want to be.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

African Mumma Butt

African bubble butt mumma. So natural with her brood of small children. Skinny Asian girl and guy. Their baby seems like a foreign object disrupting there personal skinny butt life.

Happy Passing Time

It seems I maybe happy now. Why is that? Has so much changed? Maybe not much on the outside but quite a bit on the inside. Looking out over the departure lounge. So many people noisily checking in and moving around. Couples, families and singles. I have previously checked in as all three! I can live anywhere as anyone anytime.

I could be happy as a single fat 60 year old with a bad limp and a Thai hooker and white hair sticking out the back of my singlet. I could be happy as a dad making his beautiful baby girl do beautiful baby girl giggles. I could be happy as a 50 year old well dressed cold business man. I could be happy as a 40 year old with a 30 year old smiling girlfriend on his arm. I could be happy as a 41 year old sitting here by myself, thinking, passing time waiting for my flight.

100% Happy

The water was the same temperature as the air around, 29 degrees. The water was blue but clear. There was no wind. The waves were small but the shape was better than average. My girlfriend was surfing nearby. She was surfing without my help now. A short time before we had made amazing love. She was very happy. We often smiled across to each other. I was 100% happy.

choosing a better life for both of us

I am making you unhappy because of the difficulties of my life involving my exwife and kids. I am a caring type person who wants to make people happy. If i am making you unhappy then I feel terrible. That is not the life I want. I want to be happy and make the people around me happy as much as possible. I do not see this changing except getting worse when we have a baby. I can not give the attention that is needed. I will be run off my feet and still not making people happy I do not want to choose that life. I believe that my life could be much better and I hope someone can make you more happy than I can and give you the things you dream of.