Life Perspective

Nothing like the fear of death to put life into perspective.

Why do we invest so much into our future lives when it can end at anytime without notice?

Try to enjoy the journey even though it may end very soon. It is all just a matter of time anyway.

I wrote this on my air sick bag on a fairly recent flight into Tokyo during a typhoon.

Another thought I had just now is that the reason we invest so much into our future lives may be that we subconsciously know that life does not end with the end of our physical life. So we are preparing for something more long term and therefore worthy of the long term invsestment.

Passed Away

A man has passed away today. A mn who called me his son. A man who asked me to sit next to him as he put his hand on mine and tried to comfort me and fix things that we could not fix. A man who loved his family endlessly. A man who could still smile on seeing his grandchildren. A man who hugged and cried. I hope your pain has now ended and you are now with god and you can have some comfort. I miss you and love you.

Resolved

Have I now resolved everything? You thought that if you resolved that and that and that you would have no excuse to be unhappy or worried. You have now resolved these things. What is left to not be happy or worried about? On top of all of this you have found an amazing girl who is perfect for you and wants to marry you.

A problem of Fear not Trust

Fear of putting control of my life into the hands of another. I am scared that you may not be the perfect person that you show to me. I want to see behind your polite facade. I want to feel what you feel when you are curled up crying in your bed. I want to know all of you.

Love, Marriage and Divorce

Is there something wrong with planning for divorce at the same time as planning for marriage?

Relationships and Power

Do I need to be fearful of giving away my power to have a serious relationship? This maybe my problem not the problem of relationships. Maybe personal power does not need to be given up in a relationship and in any event risk is an unavoidable part of living. I should not fear risk in living. To not risk anything is to lose everything.

Shaking my Dad's Hand

Lately I have been doing quite a bit of mechanical work on my 4WD. The toolbox and many of the tools I use were my dad's. As a lay under my car undoing bolts the oily smell reminds me of times proudly working with my dad. His tools transfer a beautiful energy into me.

After a few days of mechanical work my hands are slightly oil stained and my knuckles have a few small cuts. As I clasped my hands together my hands feel stronger and bigger with a thicker skin but still soft. I feel that I am shaking my dad's hand and it feels good.

I am Man

A girl of my taste leans forward slightly to inspect the restaurant breakfast menu. Her baggy short shorts rise slightly exposing the soft rounded crease where her delightful leg meets her even more delightful buttock. For a moment my world becomes that crease. As my mind returns to my airport restaurant seat I pondered how easily my thoughts can be hijacked by the sight of a beautiful woman.

Should I be ashamed of such improper thoughts? Or is it ok to appreciate such a by chance beautiful sight to a man's eye? Could there ever have been a time in history or could there be in the future to be ashamed of admiring a misty mountain sunrise?

Delayed at Changi Airport

Typhoon Roke has delayed my flight to Tokyo. Luckily though I am at Changi airport, the best airport in the world. International people do not rush here. They stroll and enjoy the surroundings and soothing background music adding to the relaxed and stylish atmosphere. Now that I have finished my complimentary breakfast I will stretch out on a comfortable bench and have a nap.

Light or Dark?

How can so many find so much darkness and ugliness in a world filled with such beauty and light? Perhaps the more important question is why do they search for it? Are some people like black holes perpetually trying to suck the beauty and light from the world and turn into darkness, while others are like suns illuminating the beauty? They say nothing can escape a black hole, not even light. I disagree. My light can not be drawn into your darkness. Just like a square peg can not be drawn into a round hole. I can look at you with curiosity and without fear.

An Old Soul With a Child Spirit?

I slide slowly on my tummy on the sparse dishevelled backyard lawn. Our family cat beside me as we hunt grasshoppers. A small light brown grasshopper camouflaged in the lawn moves slightly. Our hunter eyes focus on this small creature. This time we pounce before he hops and it is the end of his life.

As I lay there on the lawn I look closely at a few square centimetres of ground. I begin to notice a world I could not see before. The sparse sandy lawn was full of life. Small ants going about their business, some beetles and other small insects. I notice the different shapes and sizes and colours of the grains of sand and grass leaves in various states of decomposition.

Slowly moving my gaze upwards I see the enormity of the backyard. I moved to a new position on the lawn and again began to stare at a few square centimetres of ground. Again I began to be able to see a busy little world of ants, beetles and insects. I lay my cheek to the lawn and my eyes follow an ant for a while. Trying to see where he is going and to understand the purpose of his journey. I soon lose him in the busy little world traffic.

I pondered the vastness of life going on in my backyard. I thought of the enormous park down the road and wondered if it had the same richness of life in each square centimetre.

I was feeling good and the grass was a perfect temperature and texture on my body and cheek and the sun and gentle breeze made perfect sensations of a sunny warmth on my skin and through my clothes.

When I pursue calmness and peace and happiness I often try to recall that day and those feelings. It was a time when I feel my wise old soul with a child spirit was most visible to me.

As I now look down from my window seat to the cities and towns and villages below I again ponder the beautiful vastness and richness of life on earth.

Life Direction

One can not find a life direction in oneself from a vacuum of influences. Ones life direction is ones responses to influence.

Hopefully you can free your spirit to choose those responses without fear or favour.

For me, my spirit is guided by an inherent feeling of duty to life, loved ones, myself and the world. I hope one day to replace the word duty with the word love.

A Poo Bear Moment

My 9 year old daughter was a little lost after trying on clothes in a department store. When she found me she said "I knew you were here. I just didn't know where here was."

A Message To My Son

The most enjoyable way to have a positive influence is with a gentle helping hand. I will offer you help, which you are welcome to accept. If you do not accept my help I am equally happy. I am here for you in anyway you want me to be and I understand that it is your life and I will not frustrate you and me by telling you what to do with it. I love you.

Stars

I can love and cherish like no other. She has taken the future I thought I had, and she will not allow me a new future. All I can have is my love for the beautiful light of the world, too bright to be smothered by her darkness.

On a dark night the stars shine bright. The stars continue to shine behind the darkest, most fierce storm clouds, always to reappear undisturbed. I love and cherish my brief flicker of life under those beautiful eternal stars.

Herself

The cries of her baby were an intolerable distraction from herself.

Drowning

When I am drowning I believe that my last thoughts will be of love, not of air.

Genuine

As genuine as an automated computer generated happy birthday email. Yet strangely she also made me feel good.

Child Spirit

Our most important job is to protect, nurture and strengthen the spirits of our children. Our children's best hope for a happy and full life is to enter adulthood with a positive, enquiring, robust and loving spirit.

A Beautiful World

Can you see the beauty of the forest through the trees?

Success

You do not need to succeed. You already are success. Success is not gotten or taken or lost, it is you. See it, feel it, enjoy it.

31st December 2010

The waves I surfed as the sun set on another decade. I am too lucky.

Peaceful Protest

Taiwan